Its an EMOTIONAL Workout...

Today was an emotional workout.  There is this part of me that wants to stifle all my frustration, and so I tell myself to forget about it.  Then I think a little bit more and wonder why  I am  shutting it back in when I truly need to let it out.

One of the biggest problems I face, as you may have read, is giving myself permission to take time for myself.  I feel so guilty when I do.   I feel like I am letting someone fall, and not catching them.   Now I know deep down that this is not the reality.  But I do not know why it hurts to actually say,  "I need this time for myself please"  (sometimes in a not so nice tone).

Believing in yourself is a hard thing do to sometimes.  For me I feel selfish, like I shouldn't overshadow someone else, or steal the limelight.  I am learning though that the Savior loves me just as much as anyone else, and He is okay with me standing in the spotlight.  My problem is I have spent my life trying to avoid the spotlight, yet secretly yearning for someone to shine it on me too.

I think everyone one of us desires for people to understand who we really are, yet we fail to show them.  We expect them to get to know us, to ask us, to search and find it out for themselves, when really it is our responsibility.  If we want people to know we are kind, great listeners, generous, etc., what are we doing to show them?  

They will never know what is on stage

 if you never open the curtain.

So this is my challenge, for myself.  Be willing to open up more, and become vulnerable, you only get hurt if you choose to be.  And to be okay with taking time for myself.  One hour a day for me, 23 hours for the rest of the world.  I think I can do it!!

Thanks for letting me vent and get my thoughts out!