One Day At A Time

I think my biggest problem has been over-thinking this process! I worry, and want to succeed so much, that I cause myself to freeze. At the same time, I am able to recognize my triggers, my failures, and my need to change!

We all have weaknesses, and for me this weakness, isn't that I need to be a certain size. It is really about changing me, trusting in the Lord to lead the way, and to give up my own will for the will of the Lord. This weaknesses seems to scream loudly, it feels like a stage light is continually shining on it, displaying me at my worst. It is embarrassing to write that I have failed in so many ways, and have in some ways created what I feared most by my own avoidance of it. Yet, I do it, in hopes that I can learn, change, and grow. I do it to show you that yes, we all have trials, mountains to climb, and sometimes the climb is not as easy as we imagined it would be. It is treacherous, exhausting, heart-breaking, and at times lonely. If we hold out in hope, staying the course, when we reach the top, the view can be breathtaking.

This is my hope. This is why I continue to post and allow you to see me at my worst, in hopes that you can see me at my best.

So my over-thinking is coming to a stop. I have decided that I can do this one day at a time. If I look to far in the future, I panic, fear, and give in. If I think about today, well today I can handle it. Today, with prayer and faith, I can make it.

So is there a new plan? No.

My plan is to eat right, follow the Word of Wisdom, exercise, and read my scriptures daily. I plan to focus on what I can control, and then leave the rest in the Lord's hands. One day at a time, with the hope that someday I can reach my goal.

One thing I don't think I have mentioned, which is at the core of my problem is, I am scared. Scared of the future, scared of failure, scared of success. I am scared I am creating a pattern I want to avoid. I am scared that this trial will last longer than I am able to bear. I am scared that I am weaker than I perceive myself to be. I am scared.

On the flip side, I am placing my hope in the Savior. Because He knows me. He knows me. He understands my emotions, my thought process, my failures, my talents, my strengths and weaknesses. He knows be He experienced them. I have to trust that He knows the way. I have to hope that my faith can overcome my fear and I can moved forward.

I cannot remain in fear. Fear is stagnant, stale, and empty. Fear leaves you guessing, wishing, and wondering. Fear leaves you grasping. Fear is the opposite of trust.

One day at a time. Today I choose to trust.