Alright, so yes I am being hard on myself. But I also need to be honest too. And I don't think I have. This process is truly a day at a time. And I have struggled for too many days, I have allowed myself to become lazy. I have blocked out my desires only to enjoy a cheeseburger my body didn't need. I was reading a quote by Jeffery Holland, a church authority in my religion, and although he was talking about Missionary work, I think it applies to all work, or worthy goal out there. Hopefully by sharing this quote I haven't taken it too much out of context.
He says, "I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation was never easy. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for [Christ]... I believe it is supposed to require some effort, something for the depths of our souls."
So to bring this all together let me explain myself. You see for me weight loss isn't just a physical goal, but more so a spiritual goal. I am not doing this to be like movie stars, or even the skinny girl down the street. I am going through this, striving, falling, picking back up, all because I know that this is something I need to overcome. This is leading towards that step that brings me one step closer to becoming less of a natural man, and more like a heavenly being. I guess that is why I am such a firm believer that I cannot take the easy way out, because I am not sacrificing and not allowing myself the opportunity to go through the refiner's fire, and then I lose sight of what I am meant to be, what I am meant to become.
So I have work to do, and yet I am still hopeful. I am not frustrated, or giving up. I have fallen, I have come up short quite a bit. But in all honestly the one thing that keeps me going is my testimony of the gospel. My belief that I know the Savior lives and loves me and desire to help me. And a hope that I can become what my Heavenly Father wants me to be. So, if you still have hope for me, keep me in your prayers, and stay tuned, because the best is yet to come! I hope!!
1 comment:
I am sending you strength and prayers! I have so much admiration for your candor and courage. Forge on, Stephanie. Forge on. I have been on this battle in a similar way for 5 years. A day in, day out battle with food and weight. I have gone up and down, but from start to finish, I have lost about 38 pounds. That is 38 pounds over 5 years. A VERY long time. On and off, up and down, but always in the same direction: towards health, weight loss, and spiritual growth. I too identified a long time ago that this was not about lbs. This was about being able to worship more purely, this was about forsaking a weakness for food and the "natural man" so I could focus on the things of God, so I could have peace on a deep level that would permeate my life. All I can tell you is I am still on the wagon, still fighting (but so proud every day of the accomplishments I have made)! You are an inspiration to me, especially in this post. :) (Sorry this is so long--I don't know how else to contact you!)
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