Three years ago I was working out, getting frustrated because in my mind I should have been able to do the exercise with ease and precision. Reality, on the other hand, was quite different. I struggled, I was weak and I was kicking myself down as I went. At one point, while striving to finish the last few sit-ups I started to cry. Collapsing on the floor, I began to think, I should be able to do this. What have I done to myself? I am weak. Those statements were repeatedly running through my mind. It stayed like this for a bit. I would get stronger, improve, but my thought process wouldn't. I couldn't allow myself the small victories, because I had too far to go, and I wanted to get there quick. I was tired of my weak old self. Tired of not being able to do what I could do before.
Flash forward to now. I am honestly at the same weight, striving to lose the same pounds, yet my thoughts are completely different. I can only get better. Each pound counts as a victory. I may not be the best today, but with the hard work and effort I will get there. I am better today than I was yesterday.
So what does this all mean? It means that sometimes we get so focused on achieving our goals that we end up punishing ourselves for not reaching them as we expect ourselves to. We are not perfect, our efforts may not always be perfect, but they can be our best. Time can change these thoughts. Sometimes we need to step away and refocus our minds to what our goal is. Three years ago, it was appearance. Today, it is health, learning, and growth. It is changing me from the inside out. This weight will always stay on as long as I am looking for the quick fix, the easy route. It can only come off by building new habits, habits that will encourage me to learn and want to change.
Any one of us can lose weight quickly. We could pay huge amounts of money for specially made food, surgeries, trainers, fad diets, etc. Until we decide to change the habits, teach ourselves the skills necessary to live in our day in age, we will never change.
When we take a step back, challenge our desire to change and find what it means to us deep down, our thought process changes. I think that is what God had in store for me. I had the desire to lose the weight, I started the blog, I began the journey. My desire needed to be honed, crafted, and carved. My eyes and heart needed to see the reasons for why the change was necessary. It wasn't going to happen unless I stopped and looked. So I found out I was pregnant, I was forced to stop and look.
Does this mean that all my effort in the past was for nothing? NEVER!
It brought me to this point. My thought process before was hindering my efforts because my desire to change wasn't strongly rooted. It needed more time to grow, strengthen, and be placed in better care. I love hearing what I am telling myself now. I am more patient with myself. I am more grateful and joyful over my victories. And I appreciate where I was in my strength and where I am going. I am wanting to learn and change those habits, overcome the food temptations that I have. I want to set the example for my children, my future, my posterity.
Imagine having to do push-ups, you struggle to get five in a row. What thought process do you want going through your head? And when you can finally do fifteen without having to stop? Celebrate the victory challenge the unworthy thoughts with worthy thoughts. Allow yourself to get back up when you fall. Failure is giving up and never returning to the task at hand. Victory is pushing forward, getting up when you stumble. Challenge your mind to work for your benefit. We always work better and harder when we have a cheerleader cheering us on. So be your own cheerleader!
Tomorrow I want to write about enlightenment and hope!
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