Still Plugging along

I have to say that the days have gotten better from my BIG MISTAKE, and I am learning to let go and move forward, and I am not looking back. I have decided that sometimes I am my own worst enemy. Have you ever been really critical of yourself, or angry at your mistakes, or shortcomings? You know that voice in your head that continually reminds you that your are not up to par, that you are a failure, and you may never measure up?

WELL, SAY GOODBYE!!

That is the voice that holds us back, that brings the fear, and causes us to question our abilities. If you were not capable of accomplishing it, then there really honestly, wouldn't be a battle. But we are all capable of accomplishing our goals and I am learning that the desire coupled with action= motivation. You have to act. I am learning that I sit back too often wishing, and where has it gotten me? No where. I would love to be able to run and run well at some distances, I don't think I would want to ever run a marathon. ( I honestly know I do not love to run that much!) But to run a 5k or a 10k, to me sounds worthwhile. So I sit wishing about it, and I haven't even tried. So I am finding inspiration and hope from others. (Read Nordies at Noon if you want some amazing inspiration!) I am realizing that this is the only life I can live, and I have the choice to sit and wish it were different, or I can make what I want out of it happen.

I control the power. I cannot control somethings in life, but I do control this. I control my daily choices, my atmosphere, my dreams, and my hopes. I control my future and the vision I want to take forward. I control my own destiny. I can wish on a star, or cross my heart and hope to die, but unless I make a serious, conscious effort towards those hopes, they become nothing but dust in the wind, blowing by me and presenting themselves on someone else. I can complain, and wish, make excuses and deny, or I can be motivated and hopeful and push forward enduring towards the goal and dream that I have.

I am back, I am taking the next two days, to make a realistic, simple goal that will create consistency, predicability and steps to lead me in the right direction. You see I thought that I could only focus on one goal at a time, to simplify my life, but really simplicity comes through planning, making goals and moving forward one step at a time. Am I sounding like a yo-yo? To some maybe I am, but I think it is really me looking and focusing at my falling off the wagon and finding my way back. So come Monday I will post my goal, and keep you posted.

I write my process, my hopes, my failures, and my dreams with you, to let you know I am human, I am weak, but I desire to be something more than that. I desire to serve God, to be an example, and to be able to help others around me to find hope in their own journey. We all struggle with something, we all fall short and scrape our knees, and we all have to find that wagon train path again. We all have our yo-yo moments, and for me this is my most apparent yo-yo. I am sure I have many more, but this is the one that needs my focus at this time in my life. But I want you to know, I haven't given up, I have hope. I am fighting the battle, and I will overcome! The most amazing thing I have found about this all is I am finding me, I see her!! The person I want to be, the person Heavenly Father knows I am capable of being, and that is what I am reaching for. I do not know how many people read this blog, maybe I am just writing it to myself :) and that's okay. I am just grateful that I am accounting my thought process and maintaining my hope, and learning much more than I thought I could. It is the refiner's fire, and I am being polished, shaped, and formed. I am grateful for the opportunity, to humble myself, look inside, and learn! I love this life!