Feeling a little like Nephi

So school has started, and new routine has begun, and the stress has reached the limit. I am aware of God's goodness and mercy. I am increasingly aware of my procrastination. Which leaves me feeling like Nephi when he wrote:

16 Behold, my ^asoul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my ^bheart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.

17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great ^agoodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O ^bwretched man that I am! Yea, my heart ^csorrowethbecause of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily ^abeset me.

19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have ^atrusted. ( Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi chapter 4)

The past few weeks I have often wonder why it is so easy to give in, give up, or promise to try harder another day. I am frustrated with my own weakness, and my own justifications. Because there are no justifications I can give but that this is a weakness. At one point I was so frustrated, wondering how I am to overcome and change my habits when I am continually bombarded with temptations all around me. I realize, keenly realize that I lack the strength necessary to combat the fiery temptations that attack me.

So what do I do? I pray. And then the Spirit so softly answers me:

27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their ^aweakness. I ^bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my ^cgrace is sufficient for all men that ^dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them. (Book of Mormon: Ether chapter 12)

I am learning that I need the atonement every day. I need my Savior to help me. Why make this change? I am making, or needing to make this change, not so much for the physical aspect but for the spiritual. You see when I submit my will to the Lord, I allow Him to work wonders through me. When I am doing His will, I witness miracles in my life and the lives of others. I do this because I love Him. And these weaknesses that I possess remind me of His love for me. He sees me as I can be, as I truly am, and He is leading me towards that person. And as I come closer to being that person He leads me back to my Father in Heaven. A Father who loves perfectly. A Father who hasn't forgotten His children, instead is always aware. That is where I want to be, and that is why I want to change. Anyone can be skinny, where the size 0,2,4, or whatever. But to submit my weaknesses and overcome my temptations, and allowing the Lord to use me to help others know what I know, that is TRUE BEAUTY, and that is what I am seeking. An opportunity to make my FATHER IN HEAVEN proud.

So as I am human and falter, and fall, be patient with me, hope for me and pray for me. I feel your prayers and hope and it increases my desire. It is a hard road, but I am not making any turns. I am here and it may take me the rest of my life to overcome, but I know that with the Lord's help, I can accomplish anything with FAITH.