Day Four: Jekyll and Hyde

So as transparent as I am becoming it has been a struggle to hide the emotions and frustrations that come with change. I start this journey, yet again, with complete commitment and enthusiasm, and now I am already doubting myself. I feel like two different people battling for the body. And in some ways that is true. In my religion I believe that there is a "natural man" or your body, and then your spirit. That natural man is what I am trying to break, and my spirit is trying to overcome the temptations that I face, and also the state I am in now. I hope that makes sense.

I have been playing a tug of war. A part of me wonders why I even need to deal with this? Why can I not just enjoy the foods so many millions of others are? Why was I given this particular weakness? Why do I feel so alone in it?

The other part, persevering as it is, is trying to teach me patience and hope for things to come. It is trying to calm the troubled waters and bring light into the darkness. This is the part I love about myself. Yet for the past few days it has been so difficult to cling to.

And this is why I feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde to different people battling for something. I know what one I listen to, I just hope patience and peace will persevere a little longer.