I lost track of days!

Okay so I have totally fallen off the wagon. Yep I am trying, but not like I should. I have made too many excuses. The reality is, in orders for habits to stay, you have to create an atmosphere that is conducive to it. I mean I can desire to eat healthy and better, but it isn't going to happen unless I choose to buy the foods that will help accomplish that desire. I mean I have used the excuse that money is tight, and "I cannot afford to eat the healthy foods, it is just too expensive." But really if I have ten bucks to spend at Mcdonald's... Then oh yeah, that ten dollars can be spent at the store, on apples, turkey, cheese. I mean honestly there is a lot that I can buy with ten dollars when you are creative, and truly want something better for yourself.

I think you HAVE TO GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO BE BETTER. You have to let go of the fear that holds you back. There is that inner voice that is screaming at times to make the move, to want to be better, to give yourself what you truly deserve. A LONG AND HEALTHY LIFE. So truly what are we avoiding, but our own happiness? For me there are so many times that I put other before me, because I feel they deserve so much more than what I am willing to give myself. Yes, selflessness is important, but loving yourself, taking care of yourself so that you can love others is just as important.

Sometimes I wish I was better at taking my own advice. Sometimes I wonder, why is it easier to help others and not myself? How is it that I can help those around me no problem but fear asking for help? Sorry if this sounds repetitive, I guess I need to learn this more than anything.

So as far as falling off that wagon, I am going to climb back on. I am going to challenge myself to not make excuses. I mean I am going to be tired whether or not I exercise, so I might as well exercise and clear the fog in my brain, gain some empowerment, rejuvenate my muscles, and breathe in some nice oxygen.

When do you start? Now, today. Make a goal, start small or large. Take it a day at a time. I am learning not to focus solely on the long term goal but the short term day to day goals, because it is those goals that will get me to the BIG ONE! Keep your fingers crossed, keep me in your prayers, don't give up hope on me yet. I am still here, still working. I am not going anywhere. I am very cognizant of my need to do this, what I am striving to change. And my choices that either lead me there or stray me away, but I know that I am trusting in my Savior to direct my paths, to succor me and help me get back. I will overcome. I will learn, and I will strengthen this weakness. Even if it takes me my whole life, I am ready for the journey, ready for the refiner's fire.