Day 40

I love the lyrics to "The Show" by Lenka. I think I am caught in the middle here sometimes. "Slow it down, make it stop, or else my heart is going to pop, Cause its too much, yeah its a lot to be something I'm not." I am here trying to change who I have become, in the sense of I am trying to teach myself to love me. I have accepted the fact that I don't need to love me, but everyone else. I expected others to fill my bucket, when in all actuality only I can fill it. So I am slowly getting there. Step by step giving myself permission to do it. To allow myself the time that I need for me.

I used to think that it was selfish, because I was going to ignore the needs of another, but the truth is. I am more capable now to take care of the needs of those around me now than I was. I am able to better prioritize my life and the day to day activities I have.

I will say that I didn't accomplish this on my own. There was no way that I could have. I had the help of an all loving Savior who is helping me, giving me the strength and support that I need to accomplish it. I am heavily dependent upon Him. Through Him I am learning who I am, and how much I am loved. Miracles are happening in my life and it isn't necessarily for me, but my family are reaping those blessings too.

I am so grateful for this opportunity. I am grateful that the Savior loves me more than I feel I deserve. I am an unprofitable servant. I pray that I can be more profitable.