My blog should have been titled, 100 years 60 pounds.

It has been two years since my last post!  Life has been busy!  My last post, we were in the process of building our home.  The decision to move was a difficult one, yet a tremendous blessing to us as a family. We moved three times to get where we are now in the matter of six months.  It was a trying time, yet so rewarding!

I wanted to give everyone a little update on what has been happening in those two years.  We moved into our new home, and are happy.  I have four kids, that is all that we were able to have, considering my body makeup (if you want to know more about it, I am happy to share) those four were miracles that I shouldn't have had.   I have been teaching preschool for the last six years in my home and truly loved it.  My husband is a principal at an elementary school.  My oldest will be starting her senior year of high school, and she is our basketball player!  The next is my dancer who is starting her sophomore year of high school and she is always full of joy.  My only boy is going to be in third grade in the Fall and is lucky enough to have his father as his principal.  My youngest is going to start her last year of preschool with me as her teacher.  Sometimes I look at her and still wonder how she got here!  She still surprises me!  I am a mother, and those four along with my husband have my heart.

Now what about my weight loss, you ask?  Well last year I lost 30 pounds!  I was looking great, feeling awesome, and moving forward to kick off the last few, then pain hit.  Pain that I have never before experienced!  After a surgery last year to help stave off the pain, I am finally needing to go in to have a hysterectomy next week.  Because of the pain, horrible endometriosis, and other lovely female issues that I won't share, it became increasingly more difficult to accomplish even the every day tasks.  There have been days where just getting out of bed was a good as I could do.  I have a new sympathy and compassion for those who deal with debilitating pain on a daily basis.  It not only is hard on your body, but also your mind, and soul.  Because of feeling this way, of course the weight came back on.

As I have read through my posts over the last few years, and thought about how it seems like a continuous cycle of doing well and then failing, my first response would be embarrassment and frustration.  I refuse to hold onto that response.  I am learning to be a lot more compassionate with myself.  I may not have yet reached the goal of weight loss that I have desired, but there have been so many life lessons, personal lessons, that I have gained over the years that would not have been learned in any other way.  I truly believe that I haven't failed, because I haven't given up.  My children and spouse have seen changes, and they are also learning for themselves the importance of being healthy.  They are my greatest cheerleaders!

I am coming back here to be let you continue to be a part of the journey.  I am having my surgery, and  recovery is up to six weeks.  There are things I can control even while recovering,  and there are some that I cannot.  So with that I will do my best to do what I can while recovering, and then move forward to working out.

One of the biggest changes there is, and I hope you will notice as I write my journey, is that I no longer fear!  I have learned that fear most often comes where we need to change, and those changes are what we desire most, yet fear the outcome.  Over the years I have been on a journey eradicating fear from my life.  There is still areas that need help, but this is not one of them anymore!  I have seen a glimpse of who I am when I feel healthy, and I love that person!  That is the person I want the world to see.  She is open hearted, kind, energetic, she allows herself to be vulnerable because it empowers others.  She is supportive and hopeful for those she comes in contact with.  She is beautiful from the inside first!  She doesn't hide, or shirk, instead she stands firm and strong, exercising courage.  She knows that through acting in courage and faith she gains confidence to do what she needs to.

Maybe this journey will take me 100 years to accomplish, that's okay.  Life is a beautiful, rich, rewarding experience, and if this weakness keeps me humble and reliant upon the Savior to keep moving forward, then I will keep pressing forward looking towards Him.  He will lead me to the Stephanie He knows and loves.  He will guide my steps, instructing me, leading, and most often forgiving me when I fall short, and lifting me to higher heights that I wasn't even aware I could reach.  He is my strength, and if I trust in Him, I can do all things.  So stay tuned there are many more posts to come!