Time Out

I hope you will forgive me,  I need to write this post.

I have many things going through my mind at this time, some personal, some not.  I hope I can articulate what I feel.

I hope that if you have been reading most of my posts you have learned that this process of weight loss has never been to be  a size two, or something similar, but rather to overcome a weakness, to change bad habits, and to be better than I have been.   Our world today places so much emphasis on image, and to be honest it is at times sickening.   I do not want to leave this mortal life in what the world would deem a perfect body.  Rather I want to leave this world knowing that despite the hardships and weaknesses that this mortal body gives me, I fought to make it better, to protect it,  and lived up to the privilege of having it.  It is a gift not to be abused.   It is an opportunity to learn about its weaknesses and to strengthen them.  It is a chance for my soul to grow, change, and draw nearer to God.

Our time here is limited, this truth becomes clearer the longer I live.  And I do not want to waste my days seeking after the world would want me to be.  They are so very wrong in what they think!  I am not a size two,  I have a belly because of four beautiful children, and because I like desserts!  I am so much more than a number on the scale.   I am beautiful because I was made in the image of my Heavenly Father.   I am capable of achieving anything, if I have the courage, determination, and strength to do it.

Most importantly I am here day after day trying to make it right, to be better, to overcome, because of my Savior Jesus Christ.  I believe in an atonement, I believe that through Him I can one day become perfect.  When I seek after Him,  I seem to find myself in a brilliant and beautiful light.  I see myself as He sees me.  I hope and long to do His will because He knows me better than I know myself.  I am nothing without Him, and everything with Him.   And when I get a glimpse of that beauty,  I realize that what the world says is sad, so misguided and lost.  There is no value in a size.  There is no value in  appearance, or sexuality.  

There is value in virtue, dignity, and integrity.   This is what I am seeking, and in bits and pieces I am finding it.  And when this mortal body of mine reaches its last day,  I hope that I was a pillar of what is virtuous, I hope that I was an example of the Savior,  I hope that my life gives light to dark sad abyss of this world.