Letting Go!

Experience is a funny thing. We need it, but when we are in the middle of it, we do not want it! We seek to understand, to learn, to expand our knowledge, to change and move forward, but Experience brings roadblocks. Experience creates character.

I wondered for weeks after my last post what I needed to change, how I can thaw myself from this frozen state. I dreamt about it, rehearsing moments in my life, and imagining my daily flow of life to change to facilitate my needs. I was consumed with fear of failure, of what other people were thinking of me.

What kind of example of hope and change am I? I thought about all my justifications, my selfish wants and desires and became overwhelmed and even more frozen in place. Yet, there was a part of me that knew without a doubt, a change would only happen when I let go. Let Go Of What?

I kept having the thought of needing to let go of something, I just wasn't sure what it was. So I would pray and let my Father in Heaven know that I was aware of the changes I needed to make, and the goals I needed to keep, I just needed time to figure how to overcome this roadblock.

Then the wonderful Fate of Experience came. The Ah-Ha moment I needed in order to realize the vicious cycle I was in, and also my own responsibility to being a part of it. It wasn't a lovely moment. But I can say that there are things I take responsibility for and there are portions of my life, moments rather, that I can say, I hold no responsibility for. Namely, how and what others think of me. How they choose to react is their own choice. I learned this the hard way, but I saw light, hope, and peace. I have learned that I control only me. I control whether or not I want to lose weight. I control my schedule, my time, my life. I have allowed life, for too long, to control me. I gave up my rights thinking it was for the best, but I AM TAKING THEM BACK! I read my last post and realize that I allowed my life to go the way it did.

The experiences of my past I cannot change, nor do I want to change them. Because they are a part of me, they have aided in creating my character, and developing my strength. They have created characteristics, such as love, understanding, humility, service, hope, and faith. So instead of whining about what I may have missed out on. I look back and reflect upon what I have gained.

So I Am Letting Go! I realize that I no longer need to harbor these feelings of waste, loneliness, etc. Instead I am shedding them off, leaving only enough to remind me of what I have GAINED. And there is the freedom. If you want it, take it. If you desire to change, change! It is in our hands to accomplish. That is the beauty of AGENCY. It isn't up to someone else. And Heavenly Father and His son truly cannot do anything, (bless you) until you submit the choice in your own agency. When you put off the natural man and submit to the commandments, the righteous choices you desire to make, you gain FREEDOM, LIBERTY, and SPIRITUALITY.

So where am I now? I AM BACK! Started today, heavier, yep. But give me 100 days, and you will see. I am determined, hopeful, and I am going to win! Why? Because I CHOOSE TO! I choose to decide how I want to react to life, in life, and for life. It is my life, my only chance, and I can sit here wallowing in self-pity, and whine about my inability to perform, OR I can get to work, and make it happen! I know that if I am willing to put forth the effort, I will be blessed. And that is what I want, and it is what I truly need. So I am just going to assume that you are all saying, "WELCOME BACK!"

And it is GOOD to be back!