Calling All Angels

So the past few months have been long, treacherous at times, and educating. I wish I could say that this was the only challenge I was facing and I endured it well. But I find that sometimes when facing one challenge and overcoming, in order to sustain the new-found faith, another trial will come. And it seems at times that I am being hit on all sides. Challenged, to use that faith and hope. And the challenges seem to get tougher.

I was driving down the road the other day, thinking of what I now face. (A broken down truck, another car dented from an accident, Christmas presents for extended family to buy, tight finances, gaining weight...) I am not facing much, I know. And my trials may seem trivial, which in truth they are in the grand scheme of things. Yet I still struggle with my optimism. Anyway as I was driving, I was thinking of how I felt just a few weeks ago, and was again deciding that I wasn't going to feel anything less. That Satan can throw as many fiery darts as he wants, but I was not going to give him any power. I wasn't going to allow myself to feel disheartened, downtrodden, or fearful.

Is it a battle to use courage and faith in place of frozen fear? Oh yes. Does it take everything you have and then some? YES! Is it tiring, and wearisome? YOU BET YA!!

So I again am choosing to focus on gratitude, and faith. I am relying on the Lord to lead and direct my paths. I do not control the outcome, but I do control how I choose to respond to it.

And as I say this, I am so keenly aware of my weaknesses. So regretfully sad that I cannot say I am able to overcome the one weakness that has led me to write this blog to begin with. I think of my weakness, my challenge to overcome. And I wonder at my own wretchedness in ignoring, procrastinating, and avoiding. My heart screams for me to overcome, to fight, to learn and to change. Yet the mortal part of me ignores, pacifies, and dulls the senses.

I KNOW I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!!

So I am calling on all ANGELS for help. You see, if you have read my posts, I do know what I need to do. But I also want to learn. I believe that with knowledge, especially correct knowledge, you are empowering yourself for change, and arming yourself with the ability to change. I need the knowledge. I need to seek out the best books, that will provide the education. I need the best advice. I NEED HELP! Yes I said it!! For those of you who know me personally, that was HUGE! I have the most difficult time asking for help, but I am putting myself out there. I am asking, because weak little me cannot do this on my own. I need more than just a pat on the back. I need the outside perspective, the blunt truth. I need to know what my strengths are and utilize those to overcome my weaknesses. So if you have any advice, anything that has helped you, changed you, encouraged you or taught you. Please share!

I am taking this Christmas break to study, to educate myself, and to make THE PLAN OF ALL PLANS. And please pray for me, that I may be led in a direction that will help me overcome and desire more than the double cheeseburger and coke. Come January, the battle will begin. For now the armor is being prepared, the swords of knowledge sharpened, and the helmet of hope polished.