Finally Have a New Scale!

I bought a new scale, finally!! I knew my scale was on its last leg when I stepped on it and found I weight 25 pounds! So out with the old and in with the new. Now this scale showed that my last scale was off by about three pounds(which means I weigh three more pounds than expected). So today I enter in a new weight and from that weight we are going to go down! So my weight is 197. Yes not the weight I want to see, because it shows that I have gained back about 13 pounds. But onward and forward.

I am learning that if you look at your goal in a long term, forever away sort of sense, then the task seems so daunting. For me, I definitely set myself up for failure, and I give into the negative thinking that comes with it. I am also discovering the power of fear. I don't like it. It is a tool of the devil, and I can feel that he is working overtime on me with this lately.

I lay in bed and try to think of why I am succumbing to the fear. I lay frustrated because in honesty and in integrity, I know that I am so much better than the choices I am making. It is like in the scary movies when the hero has to get to the door at the end of the hallway, and the hallway extends even further. I see my goal, I see my hopes but when I try to reach for them, they get pushed out of reach. I am just want to scream sometimes.

But there is solace and hope. Nephi taught me that. (2 Nephi 4) I can overcome, I know in whom I trust. One last thought: I am discovering that there is so much more about the Atonement that I need to learn. I think we focus on the Atonement only for sins, but I am slowly learning that it is so much more than that. I find solace in knowing that there is One who understands perfectly my frustration. One with whom, I don't have to struggle to articulate my feelings with, because He already knows. I think I need to pray more about that and trust the Spirit as thoughts come.

So what now? Well I am planning a short term goal: Keeping on track until a family vacation. And when I get to that point, well I will make another goal. I am learning that it is the day to day that matters with anything we do. It is our daily choices that effect our future. I look at my successes in life and realize that it is because I have worked on them everyday, not once in awhile. And with my health I need to do the same. Will the work get easier? Yes, in some ways, but I need to come to terms with the fact that it will never go away unless I make it go away. And that is what you have to do with any weakness or temptation, make it go away. And it is hard, difficult, heart wrenching work. But through other experiences I have had, I know that if I place my trust in the Lord, then I can overcome. And sadly I have failed to do that completely. But I am here to learn.