Day 62

So today while I was working out, I was angry. Angry that I had allowed myself to get to this point. Angry that somewhat simple exercises were grueling and difficult. Most of all angry at all the people who take the easy way out. So if you will bear with me, I would like to vocalize my frustration. Please be forewarned, that this is not meant to offend.

I am angry that here I am working my tail off, crying at the difficulty while I see all these other people around me taking the easy road. Eating 500 calories and taking a shot, or get gastric bypass, or the lap band, or a tummy tuck, lipo, etc. I am fat too and I don't think that I deserve to avoid the consequences, and neither do they. It sometimes seems unfair.

But here is the truth, while I am grinding it out, stressing my muscles, slowly losing my weight, you will most likely gain your's back! I am making a real change. I am trying to reevaluate my life, and habits and striving to form new ones. Go ahead drink your soda, eat your crap, and regain your fat. You see we are all overweight for a reason. We all ignore the reality of it and then look for the easy fix, because we fear what we will have to face. But someday sooner or later, you will have to face it.

I am here looking at myself realizing, keenly aware, that I put myself here. It wasn't my thyroid, or big bones. It was because I was lazy, I ate horribly, and I didn't respect myself enough to give me the love that I so desperately needed. A needle, a smaller stomach, a band, a suction, or a removal won't bring that love. Only hard work. You know there is a saying, "You love the ones you serve." If you were willing to work for yourself, your health, you will learn to love you. It doesn't mean that you have to be selfish or narcissistic. It means that you care and respect yourself, the body you have been given, the life that you have been given and you make it the best you possibly can. How is it the best? By sharing yourself with others. But you have to know you before you can share. You have to love you before you are willing to open up and be vulnerable.

Okay I am finished with my ranting. Please forgive me for any offense I may have caused.

It is amazing that through this process, you can receive insight. Here I am days before seeking answers for questions, seeking insight to my progress and this process. And here it all is. The things I am saying are what I, myself, need to hear the most. So this ranting and anger isn't truly directed at someone else, but rather me. Because I have been guilty of finding the easy way out, of wanting the easy way out, and I am truly angry because I realize that being obedient to the laws and ordinances that the Lord has provided, ie the Word of Wisdom, is a lot easier than learning the hard way. Than suffering the consequences of the poor choices I made. There is no easy way out. No shortcut. I just have to keep forging ahead in hopes that I can accomplish my goal.